Recently I read an article about how the INFJ introvert is 100% contradictory and ambiguous. That’s me: introvert, INFJ, walking contradiction, difficult for many to read or understand. Sometimes confusing and surprising myself. Being difficult to read or understand does not mean it’s impossible. I just figured that certain efforts of mine were more easily recognizable than others. Specifically when I’m flirting. Especially flirting on purpose. Apparently even when I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings I’ve learned people are surprised to see a more calm, reserved me disclosing nothing (the very reason I should learn poker).
Still, nothing is more surprising than finding out my flirt game needs improvement. After all, flirty is one of my personality traits. It’s like a high. It’s supposed to be a natural part of my appeal and who I am as a fire sign and a Leo (If you believe in the zodiac). Even if you don’t I’m still reppin’ mine.
Now I don’t like to get friendly and flirty confused or interchanged. There are times when I hope my friendliness is not misconstrued and I don’t assume all nice men are flirting with me. I also use a lot of energy being polite to those I don’t appreciate flirting with me. But if I think a man is attractive and I’m picking up the vibe he’s attracted to me, my hope is that he is able to recognize I’m throwing myself at him in every way except physically. Buuuut evidently that’s not the case.
Not long ago I had a conversation with a man I met while working a previous employer. I broke introvert protocol and expressed how much I was attracted to him and how he even recently began to enter my dreams. He was a little surprised which in turn shocked me. He insisted he could never tell. In his defense, he was a customer so I would not intentionally cross the line of professionalism. Not even for my own selfish pleasure in this new age of anything goes. But I at least thought he could “feel” the EXTRA friendly energy I threw his way. I mean geez, I grinned huge. My body was sure enough speaking flirt, I always leaned in as close to him as I could. Moving as slow as I could trying to get as much face-time with him as possible. Inside I was overflowing with lust I just knew I wasn’t doing a good job of containing. I always anticipated and was excited upon his arrival. And of course there was those dreamin eyes of mine.
Scratch the record. Stop the music. Nope! According to him I was just being friendly and so damn professional he was incapable of recognizing my personal interest. Even though he is a very attractive man whom I felt certain had many women attracted to him, my efforts to charm were all in my mind. That was interestingly painful to learn. I felt like Austin Powers without his mojo. Who was I without my ability to flirt effectively?
“hiding behind long sweaters and a straight face.” His exact words. All I could do was laugh with embarassment yet feel a little proud. Mostly because I didn’t want it obvious to the whole office how I felt about him. Turned out it worked on him too. Admittedly, a part of me didn’t want to seem like yet another woman throwing herself at him even though I wanted him and wanted him to want me. So I thought I was working hard to play it flirty, sexy, cool on the outside. All the while going crazy inside thinking quite confidently – oh he knows.
Even though we both opted out of the direct approach; my most preferred and easy to understand way to communicate, I feel bad about my behavior. Now I wonder if I’ve blocked other possible relationships with my inability to adequately express my thoughts and feelings? How much have I missed out on trying to remain cool, calm, and collective? Most importantly, must I now go on a quest to find the flirtjo I always thought I posessed?