Category Archives: Social Skills

Functional Dysfunction Vs. Type A Introvert (A Relationship Story)

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Perhaps it’s natural to be Type A and introverted, I’m not sure.  What I am positive of is both comprise my personality.  Although I no longer mind being introverted, being Type A is a lot more stressful (one of the Type A perks btw) and is hard to manage.

There are times when Type A behavior is wonderful, like making appointments before time, taking time to diminish confusion to reduce mistakes, and going above and beyond expectation because you know, perfectionism. But lately my sense of urgency and need for defining and controlling life have kept me from finding comfort in a seemingly overextended situation. And what I don’t know is if I’m being irrational.

Four years ago I strangely met a man who lets just say came out of high school the year I was born according to his Facebook.  He seemingly appeared out of nowhere.  He started as my Facebook friend a couple of years before we actually met.  To this day I believe it’s only because he bears the same name as a high school classmate, so of course I would either accept or request the connection.  Regardless the coincidence, we eventually became connected in more ways than one.

In the beginning it was like this guy was sent by heaven just for me. I was at a turning point and had basically been starting from scratch.  This man just rolled up his sleeves, jumped right in and got to work in my life.  At first it was alarming cause I’ve never had anyone be soooo helpful without knowing me very well nor very long.  And at that time I had been through the ringer with people I had known a long time as well as some who claimed to love me.  Therefore, my caution meter was on red.  Although, as an (INFJ) introvert my caution meter is usually between orange and red anyway.

In the beginning I really enjoyed him even though my guards were fully up.  We spent a lot of time together over the summer taking bike rides, eating out, movies, the usual newness activity.  He is a such a good person. Even though he likes to put on airs of being mean and serious; he really is a nice, playful, giving, witty, funny, adorable man. (I know grown men aren’t adorable, but this one is). He is absolutely one person without a doubt I can say, I need and even want (fill in the blank) and I can have it.  Side note: I couldn’t even get what I asked for from the man I was married to. Still can’t  

Anyhoo, this person’s been helpful with my son (whose instant attraction is what made me give the man a chance).  Many times he’s done things to make my life easier as a single parent even though I try to decline cause you know, pride.  He’s even bothered to listen during my numerous moments of venting and frustration, often offering unsolicited wisdom and advice the way an older person would.  I’ve even been able to trust this guy with a few of my vulnerabilities, insecurities and some of my childhood secrets.  For some reason my introvert seems to be overflowing and more things come out instead of remaining inside. Which is fine. I guess.  He also makes it easy and wonderful between the sheets. (I have to be fully honest).  All in all, he’s been there for me, he’s been good to me and I’ve often felt he was good for me. I’m grateful for him.

At the time we met both of us were in “situations” and I felt like a serious relationship was neither what I wanted nor needed. (I just wanted to play honestly).  Despite what I thought I wanted AND the feeling something was missing; whether it was due to not trusting his words, or the energy between us, I entered this partially defined relationship (on his terms).  I was forced to break my rule of not dating an “old” man.  Never say never right? But at first he was more refreshing than a cold glass of ice tea so I struggled but mostly about the age gap.

Again, from the beginning I felt this man wasn’t around to be in love with me forever if at all.  There was just something about him that yelled it at me.  Or it’s at least what I chanted in my mind on a regular basis.  But after a few years you can’t help but feel for a person.  I’m absolutely certain he cares about me and I certainly care about him.  So why after four years do I feel like I’m in a situationship?

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Do Introverts Have Low Self-Esteem?

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I recently found out February is self-esteem month.  By now, it’s no secret that I’m an introvert and proud of it, but I was wondering how that relates to selfesteem.  In the past few years I’ve been on a self-awareness and spiritual development journey.  It was during these years I truly began to understand who I am, where my character and personality come from and how much of both determined the choices I’ve made for my life.

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Social Skills: What I Wish School Taught Me

A social studies classroom.

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One could look at me and wonder, if you’re truly that introverted, how could you ever be married or have dated for that matter?  Well the answer to that is I’m still human and intimate relationships is a part of everyone’s life, whether you have to buy dolls, toys, or go for the real thing (I just chose going, or waiting for the real thing).  But here’s something about me most people who know me don’t realize: in the past, if it were left up to me, I would never have experienced intimate relationships with the opposite sex. I wouldn’t have even had friendships for that matter.  My thoughts were, if a guy wants me he’ll make a way to come get me and friendships always sort of fell into place.  But here’s where the shock of my life came; for reasons I still cannot understand, all the above changed when I saw my husband.  For the first time in my life I saw something I wanted and I went after it (which is why he tells everyone I stalked him, so not true).  The funny thing is, for the first time in my life I had it bad for something and I prepared to position myself for as long at it took to make a way for him and I meet (That sound like stalking? Maybe).  I have no idea why I felt that way, but I did.  When I initiated our conversation, I wasn’t scared, not even nervous.  For the first time in my socially awkward life, I made a decision to risk social embarrassment and rejection.  But enough about my so-called love life, let’s get to the real reason for this post.  Why a quiet person like myself initially decided to leave my social future up to chance opposed to acquired knowledge of social skills and proper socialization.

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