How to Guide: Caring for an Introvert

If I could give someone a guide on how to work with me, these twelve rules would live in it boldly.  I recently saw this poster on Facebook and thought, WOW; whoever wrote this must really know me.  Everything I am, what I believe, how I feel and react, and what I do originates from these twelve rules on caring for introverts.  Yet, before reading this list, I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did about crowds, sudden and seemingly unnecessary change, keeping people at a distance (especially new people), small talk, long conversations, talking to strangers out of the blue, and a high sensitivity to PDA (public displays of anything ).

How to Flirt Like an Introvert

Recently I read an article about how the INFJ introvert is 100% contradictory and ambiguous.  That’s me: introvert, INFJ, walking contradiction, difficult for many to read or understand.  Sometimes confusing and surprising myself.  Being difficult to read or understand does not mean it’s impossible. I just figured that certain efforts of mine were more easily recognizable than others.  Specifically when I’m flirting. Especially flirting on purpose.  Apparently even when I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings I’ve learned people are surprised to see a more calm, reserved me disclosing nothing (the very reason I should learn poker).

Still, nothing is more surprising than finding out my flirt game needs improvement.  After all, flirty is one of my personality traits.  It’s like a high.  It’s supposed to be a natural part of my appeal and who I am as a fire sign and a Leo (If you believe in the zodiac).  Even if you don’t I’m still reppin’ mine.

Now I don’t like to get friendly and flirty confused or interchanged. There are times when I hope my friendliness is not misconstrued and I don’t assume all nice men are flirting with me.  I also use a lot of energy being polite to those I don’t appreciate flirting with me. But if I think a man is attractive and I’m picking up the vibe he’s attracted to me, my hope is that he is able to recognize I’m throwing myself at him in every way except physically.  Buuuut evidently that’s not the case.

Not long ago I had a conversation with a man I met while working a previous employer.  I broke introvert protocol and expressed how much I was attracted to him and how he even recently began to enter my dreams.  He was a little surprised which in turn shocked me. He insisted he could never tell.  In his defense, he was a customer so I would not intentionally cross the line of professionalism.  Not even for my own selfish pleasure in this new age of anything goes. But I at least thought he could “feel” the EXTRA friendly energy I threw his way.  I mean geez, I grinned huge. My body was sure enough speaking flirt, I always leaned in as close to him as I could.  Moving as slow as I could trying to get as much face-time with him as possible. Inside I was overflowing with lust I just knew I wasn’t doing a good job of containing.  I always anticipated and was excited upon his arrival.  And of course there was those dreamin eyes of mine.

Scratch the record. Stop the music. Nope! According to him I was just being friendly and so damn professional he was incapable of recognizing my personal interest.  Even though he is a very attractive man whom I felt certain had many women attracted to him, my efforts to charm were all in my mind.  That was interestingly painful to learn.  I felt like Austin Powers without his mojo.  Who was I without my ability to flirt effectively?

 

“hiding behind long sweaters and a straight face.”  His exact words.  All I could do was laugh with embarassment yet feel a little proud.  Mostly because I didn’t want it obvious to the whole office how I felt about him.  Turned out it worked on him too.  Admittedly, a part of me didn’t want to seem like yet another woman throwing herself at him even though I wanted him and wanted him to want me.  So I thought I was working hard to play it flirty, sexy, cool on the outside.  All the while going crazy inside thinking quite confidently – oh he knows.

Even though we both opted out of the direct approach; my most preferred and easy to understand way to communicate, I feel bad about my behavior.  Now I wonder if I’ve blocked other possible relationships with my inability to adequately express my thoughts and feelings?  How much have I missed out on trying to remain cool, calm, and collective?  Most importantly, must I now go on a quest to find the flirtjo I always thought I posessed?

Functional Dysfunction Vs. Type A Introvert (A Relationship Story)

Perhaps it’s natural to be Type A and introverted, I’m not sure.  What I am positive of is both comprise my personality.  Although I no longer mind being introverted, being Type A is a lot more stressful (one of the Type A perks btw) and is hard to manage.

There are times when Type A behavior is wonderful, like making appointments before time, taking time to diminish confusion to reduce mistakes, and going above and beyond expectation because you know, perfectionism. But lately my sense of urgency and need for defining and controlling life have kept me from finding comfort in a seemingly overextended situation. And what I don’t know is if I’m being irrational.

Four years ago I strangely met a man who lets just say came out of high school the year I was born according to his Facebook.  He seemingly appeared out of nowhere.  He started as my Facebook friend a couple of years before we actually met.  To this day I believe it’s only because he bears the same name as a high school classmate, so of course I would either accept or request the connection.  Regardless the coincidence, we eventually became connected in more ways than one.

In the beginning it was like this guy was sent by heaven just for me. I was at a turning point and had basically been starting from scratch.  This man just rolled up his sleeves, jumped right in and got to work in my life.  At first it was alarming cause I’ve never had anyone be soooo helpful without knowing me very well nor very long.  And at that time I had been through the ringer with people I had known a long time as well as some who claimed to love me.  Therefore, my caution meter was on red.  Although, as an (INFJ) introvert my caution meter is usually between orange and red anyway.

In the beginning I really enjoyed him even though my guards were fully up.  We spent a lot of time together over the summer taking bike rides, eating out, movies, the usual newness activity.  He is a such a good person. Even though he likes to put on airs of being mean and serious; he really is a nice, playful, giving, witty, funny, adorable man. (I know grown men aren’t adorable, but this one is). He is absolutely one person without a doubt I can say, I need and even want (fill in the blank) and I can have it.  Side note: I couldn’t even get what I asked for from the man I was married to. Still can’t  

Anyhoo, this person’s been helpful with my son (whose instant attraction is what made me give the man a chance).  Many times he’s done things to make my life easier as a single parent even though I try to decline cause you know, pride.  He’s even bothered to listen during my numerous moments of venting and frustration, often offering unsolicited wisdom and advice the way an older person would.  I’ve even been able to trust this guy with a few of my vulnerabilities, insecurities and some of my childhood secrets.  For some reason my introvert seems to be overflowing and more things come out instead of remaining inside. Which is fine. I guess.  He also makes it easy and wonderful between the sheets. (I have to be fully honest).  All in all, he’s been there for me, he’s been good to me and I’ve often felt he was good for me. I’m grateful for him.

At the time we met both of us were in “situations” and I felt like a serious relationship was neither what I wanted nor needed. (I just wanted to play honestly).  Despite what I thought I wanted AND the feeling something was missing; whether it was due to not trusting his words, or the energy between us, I entered this partially defined relationship (on his terms).  I was forced to break my rule of not dating an “old” man.  Never say never right? But at first he was more refreshing than a cold glass of ice tea so I struggled but mostly about the age gap.

Again, from the beginning I felt this man wasn’t around to be in love with me forever if at all.  There was just something about him that yelled it at me.  Or it’s at least what I chanted in my mind on a regular basis.  But after a few years you can’t help but feel for a person.  I’m absolutely certain he cares about me and I certainly care about him.  So why after four years do I feel like I’m in a situationship?

Do Introverts Have Low Self-Esteem?

I recently found out February is self-esteem month.  By now, it’s no secret that I’m an introvert and proud of it, but I was wondering how that relates to self–esteem.  In the past few years I’ve been on a self-awareness and spiritual development journey.  It was during these years I truly began to understand who I am, where my character and personality come from and how much of both determined the choices I’ve made for my life.

Facing Fear as an Introvert

When I first brought my dog Morris home from a small town in Minnesota where he was born and therefore named after, he was so scared he wouldn’t even walk through the front door. Of course he eventually familiarized himself with his new surroundings. However, he had the kind of personality that kept him from easily introducing himself to new people, places and things. Morris was funny, clingy and content in his world of the family he grew to know and love.  He wasn’t eager to go outside. He didn’t care for strangers and did not make it easy for new people to get in his space. Yet he was funny, loving, loveable, curious, and quite relaxed in his own world…

Introvert Vs. Extrovert Formula for Success

Just thought I’d share the following link to an article I found on Huffington Post about none other than us Introverts. As I’ve written before, it wasn’t until recently that I realized being Introverted doesn’t mean being abnormal. Still I had doubts about becoming a Successful writer, entrepreneur and leader. All I know is I have dreams that didn’t appear to coincide with my quiet, shy, and solitary seeking natural born behavior. As I seek more knowledge, wisdom and understanding for my time on this earth, I began to see the most successful people are those who are flexible, but most importantly know and accept who they are and use that knowledge as an advantage, stepping stone or breakthrough. @HuffingtonPost: 6 secrets of successful introverts http://huff.to/TvsBuv Shared via TweetCaster